I haven’t blogged about my “former life”, working as a paralegal. Mainly because who the heck cares about that, other than those in the field. What I also haven’t mentioned is that I quit my job (a job I really truly liked, with folks I really truly cared about) because of a stressful dynamic with my supervisor (that’s the polite way of saying that we were like Tom and Jerry in the office). So, one day, I just had it. I quit. With no other job prospects, with no plan, with nothing but several boxes of my office frou frou (my bobble-head Heat Miser, Snow Miser dolls; neon color sticky notes, and iPod dock, to name a few).
So why am I mentioning it now, you may rightly be wondering. Well, six months later, I just went back and had a little lunch with some of my former co-workers. I have been dreading this, because I left in such a huff and frankly, I’ve been feeling uneasy about my new life, sans-gainful employment. But I wanted to see my friends, so I bit the bullet and walked through those glass doors again.
Boy, it was awkward. I felt odd, almost like the ghost of Jacob Marley come back to haunt. What surprised me most of all was how I quickly belittled the work I am doing now. I made pithy little comments about my homemaking, my blogging, my need to find some direction soon. They smiled, nodded, but didn’t look me in the eye. I think they were embarrassed for me. I think they feel sorry for me that I let a dispute end my career with them.
And until the day I had lunch with them, I felt sorry for me too. I felt foolish for throwing away the job, the good contacts, the case work that I loved. I felt stupid for letting someone else push my buttons. Driving home on the same freeway I’ve taken hundreds of times from work, I realized that working there wasn’t who I was, it wasn’t how I describe myself or what I value. Now is the time for me to do the work that is important to me and my family. Tapping into my strengths, learning from my weaknesses, developing what I can do. That’s my New Year’s resolution this year. Normally, my resolutions are kicked to the curb before February even hits, but this year, it’s about more than losing weight or being a better person. It’s time for me to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. If there is one thing that December always reminds me of, it is that time gets away from us all. Time for me to enter a new working world, one of my own making.
Whee, this is gonna be fun. Hope I like me as a boss.